Hiatus

If you haven't noticed, I am taking a little bit of time off. I want to be able to write some really great posts, but I have been very caught up in enjoying life... and studying for some important fast approaching tests!

Stay tuned towards October, I will be back :)

Prince Chauvinist

Let me just explain to you what goes through my mind when I log on to my Facebook and see that half of my timeline recently got married or engaged - "aw they're so adorable," "ew what the F is that thing she married," "where'd he find that rock? the toilet store?," "Thank God I'm living young, wild, and free," I think, silently laughing to myself and shaking my head (which currently now takes its most common form in the acronym SMH.) I then close my laptop, find the largest dark chocolate candy bar in my cabinets and cry while watching "When Harry Met Sally"...

Because, here I am.

Single as ever, wondering when my fairy-tale ending is going to happen. Is it supposed to happen at all, even? I have had the worst impatience that dates back to when I basically had an anxiety attack waiting the few short weeks between my birthday and Christmas 1995. I guess it's worse waiting to "meet the one" as opposed to waiting for Christmas. Christmas is planned. It falls on the same day every year. You never know when you meet the person of your dreams. The worst part is, I feel like I already met him, just looked beyond him. If it's meant to be, does it really always find a way - or is that just something we say to make ourselves feel better?


I think the main reason we subject ourselves to these  cheesy, hopeful quotes or sayings that make our loneliness livable, is because we really don't know the outcome of our lives. I personally would like to know if finding your perfect fit is one in a million, or in a more realistic ration 1:700. Does our prince charming ever show up on our front stoop with his white horse and its glistening white mane only feet behind, holding a long lost glass slipper? And does that slipper even fit your foot?

Maybe some of us never find love? Or Maybe we do and our Prince Charming turns out to be Prince Chauvinist and we are stuck between trying to work out our fairy tale, and moving onto a new book (Romeo and Juliet, most likely... I heard that ends well.)

Is there proof that everyone finds the Jim to their Pam ("The Office,") the Ross to their Rachel ("Friends,") the Peanut Butter to their Jelly (sandwiches,) or the Bobby to their Whitney (...err.. you, get the point) at some point or another?


More so, how do you know he is your soul mate? What if you get together and he's just a nasty and terrible person who constantly brings you down - or wants you to be a housewife when you want to be a doctor.. or drinks like a case of beer a day and gets really fat within like 2 months of marriage? That's a horrific thought. I'd be miserable. I'd pray for the end every single day.

So, in today's day and age where all of the hot black guys are dating all of the skinny white blonde girls, and all of the attractive white guys are dating each other... how is an Aria supposed to find her Ezra ("Pretty Little Liars")?

In this tech savvy world, do we have to subject ourselves to dating over the internet? Is my future husband currently sitting on Christian Mingle or eHarmony, patiently waiting for me to create an account? I mean, I once tried the whole OkCupid thing and not only was it the most terrifying experience of my life, I literally found myself with nausea instead of butterflies. Every females dream right? To find a disgustingly uninteresting male who gives her the creeps instead of that warm tingly feeling we've been designed to accept as love.

I mean, when you actually think about it - we have been preconditioned to accept a boat load of mushy gushy quotes and "butterflies" as love when it comes to the opposite sex. However, I have felt "butterflies" in various other circumstances, like before I'm about to audition with a song I never really prepared, or when I'm about to pee my pants and the nearest bathroom is still miles away. That doesn't mean I'm in love, does it? I thought that was just anxiety. If meeting a guy gives you these initial feelings - is it love, or is it anxiety? And if it is anxiety, why do they prescribe medications to take that feeling away...?

We've been told to find the guy who calls you "beautiful" instead of "hot," who texts you "good morning" and makes sure he texts you "goodnight." Okay, I have found guys like those - and some of them are just plain creepy. I have had guys call me beautiful and they are still the most pig-ish men I have ever met. Some people will say, "that's a boy, not a man." Well can someone make some sort of clarification that there's a difference, aside from age? Couldn't a man have a $250,000/year salary, clean teeth, and say some of the right things, and still suffer from a chauvinistic personality that degrades you and makes you stay home and raise babies?

As I grow up, it's become harder to weed out the Prince Chauvinists mixed among the Prince Charmings. Every time I identify a new "type" for myself, the guy ends up being the complete opposite of what I wanted, what I thought I needed. When does it become time for me to "give up the search and let the right guy find you"? When the hell is my Knight in Shining Armour going to knock on my door with my missing broken and plastic Charlotte Rousse heel (let's face it, no girl in the 20th Cent is going to go out to the club in a glass slipper.. unless she's clinically insane and a solid 56lbs)?

When will I find my Prince Charming - and is he even charming at all?

Until then, I'm just going to sip Chardonnay in my sweats and pray my Prince shows up before 40 with a glitzy and crystal tiara (Do you see what I did there).

I'm going to find the Daiya Shredded Cheese to my Macaroni (Vegan entree) if it's the last thing I do.

Friendvy and Finding Your Inner Peace

I was reading the latest issue of Cosmo, you know the pretty light purple and pink one with Kelly Osbourne on the cover. You know, I almost didn't even purchase it because I am just NOT a Kelly Osbourne girl, but I picked it up regardless (I saw the corner article titled 'Weird Stuff Guys Think About During Sex' and was sold immediately. It's stuff I thought I always wanted to know... I regret the decision to read that article.)

Despite Kelly Osbourne, despite guys thinking about the hot girl from their office or global foreign policy during sex... this July 2013 issue wasn't too, too bad. There was a nice little article about your FWB (friend with benefits) being potential boyfie material, a quiz on whether or not I am self obsessed... and an article about FRIENDVY.

Yeah, Friendvy - probably the only article I can ever find myself relating to.

Friendvy (n.) - a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to your best friends advantages, successes, possessions, number of Twitter followers, and accumulating number of likes on Vine posts.
* Note, this is a real, actual definition that is absolutely not loosely based on the actual definition of envy.

The article (to me) was basically about how some single 20-something college graduate stuck between college, finding a real job and alcoholism, covets the life that her friend who is happily engaged to her college boyfriend and has the perfect job doing exactly what she loves in one of the best cities ever... oh wait, maybe that was the article I concocted in my head about my own life.. IRREGARDLESS, I felt I was suffering of the same incurable disease!

You know in the movie "Bridesmaids" when Lillian (played by the super pregnant and uncomfortable Maya Rudolph) tells her BFF Annie (played by the ever so awkward Kristin Wiig) that she's engaged and Annie is all "oohhhh shit this is the worst day of my life but I'm going to attempt to try to be really happy for you even though I'm not displaying it at all?!" That is essentially my life in every aspect.

Like, okay, since I'm opening up here - I did not really, sincerely find the movie "Bridesmaids" funny. In fact, I only made it into a hilarious ordeal because my friends thought it to be hysterical... nay, THE MOST HILARIOUS MOVIE OF THE YEAR. And then there was me, pained on the inside because I FELT SORRY FOR ANNIE. I had one of those feelings for her - empathy. I felt empathetic towards a character in a comedy movie because I knew exactly what she was going through.

She hit rock bottom - I'd say I peaked when I forced myself to come home and leave all of my friends to finish my senior year at home instead of where I went to college for the other three years. I figured that would help me do better in my life. After a bunch of other failed sequences of events, I found myself 23 years old, and back home taking care of my parent.

At first it was fine, all my friends were still home and we were planning on having a fantastic summer and then moving away to New York or Chicago or LA... we had all these plans. Then one got a boyfriend and that was game over Chicago. Then the next started dating, and it was game over NYC... you get the idea. Every time someone started dating, I was left in the corner - forgotten. Doomed to figure out my life by myself.

Then, the relationships ended and I was back in the plan. Yeahh, go Adele! UNTIL, one friend got a cool summer job performing at a theme park every day. That's something I would LOVE to do. Perform every day for a few hours and then wander around and live the dream... Why can't I do anything fun like that? Well then I figured, I still have my other best friend and her and I are going to have the best summer ever planning our visits to Chicago and New York... and then, she got this kick ass internship in Disney World. DISNEY WORLD. What the heck?!

Another friend moved to Texas to help him mature as a person - got a great paying salary job, a new car, and a new place. He's also the luckiest kid in the world and continues to win tickets to cool events and gets to go to Vegas. Vegas. Come on, now.

I'm not mad at these people, nor do I like them any less.. I'm just really envious, okay? Where's my big break? Where's my cool opportunity that will change my life and inspire me and help me grow?

Then when I finally thought I knew what I was doing with my life, I had a really SHITTY audition and didn't get into a show I really wanted to be a part of. If this is my passion, why didn't I practice more? Why didn't I belt my tits off like I know I can?

So I'm now stuck in this rut, right? I'm stuck at trying to figure out what I'm going to do when my mom can finally walk again and wants me out of her house so she too can start going on dates and hanging out with friends.

However, I have refused to believe this is rock bottom.

I went to the new newest craze in women's gym classes, Hot Yoga, this week and I have never felt so connected with myself. Our mantra was "Everything happens for a reason. I am exactly where I need to be." Maybe I didn't need to be in a musical to remind myself that I am talented. Maybe I don't need to move right now to find happiness. I am precisely where I need to be at this moment, and it's here at home.

Okay yeah, I don't have the job I want, but I still get paid well doing what I do.
And yes, I'm not engaged, but I'm happier that way. I like casual dating, because I like not having to see a guy ever again if he completely repulses me.
I don't have a new car, yeah, it sucks, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to work my way to one...
Yeah, I'm not interning in Disney World - but do I really even want to? Was that ever in my plans?

Instead of getting bitter with everything, I have decided to find that peace with myself and get better.

I went home and made a list of short term and long term goals. My long term goals are things like having a record deal, a clothing line, a best selling novel... and my short term goals are exactly how I can get there: taking a few writing classes, maybe going back to school for English or Journalism, recording a demo, learning to sew, and studying more fashion, etc. I also made a list of places I want to call my home: New York or Los Angeles.

These are my goals, and if I have to get there alone, then so be it. I refuse to let my Friendvy dictate where I put myself.

Maybe, just maybe, someday my friends will look at my bright future and be friendvious of me. But until then, I just have to applaud their accomplishments and their happiness, and continue seeking my own.

Keeping it Old School

Back to the original name, Sweatpants and a Tiara.

It's goofy, I know.

One day I asked my boyfriend at the time what to call my blog

and he instantly looked at me and said

"Sweatpants and a Tiara."

I laughed about it, asking why so ridiculous...

"You love being in sweats... and you're a princess."

(and to think he wasn't a keeper...)

Every time I try to think of a better blog name, 

 I can't.

As weird as it sounds, it truly defines me.

Since I have changed my name,

I think it's time I devote some time to making a theme for my page..

it is beginning to look sickly.

Read up!

Flower Power in the 2013s.

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return, but knowing that some would be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows. Swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

It seems like every time I turn on the news, some innocent life is being taken away. It's like this strong, but cruel force of nature that is sweeping over our nation on a mission to corrupt a unity our founding fathers have worked so hard to attain.

Why does this happen? And how do we make it stop? Is our concern for surviving so little that we just look past finding peace? Have we lost hope?

I have been working on this post since the last "great American tragedy," you know, when a kid essentially blew up a school just a few months ago. I remember thinking during election season "how blessed we are to be not a country where we are fighting battles in our streets, or entering each others' homes and killing our children." Little did I know just a few months later, a boy would shoot his way into a school and take the lives of our educators and our future. Four months later, during the Boston Marathon, two bombs went off killing two and injuring many. It makes you wonder if we truly are blessed, or if we just hit a semi-"lucky" streak.

It's scary, you know. Turning on the news and seeing disaster. But it's scarier seeing how some people react. Instead of reaching out our hand to offer peace, we scream and point fingers at one another. When Sandy Hook happened, half of the nation immediately blamed mental illness or guns - while the other half retracted by rubbing their "Gun Owning Pride" in everyone's face. Our country is more divided than ever, and the peacemakers are outnumbered by those who break during chaos.

Can't we all just get along?

I chose to share this photo of Jan Rose Kasmir, October 1967, because it is iconic of the flower power movement.  "Flower power" was used as a symbol of passive resistance, and a non-violence ideology. It originated in protest against the Vietnam War.

While we are currently not overseas in a war (well, "supposedly,") we are in our own homeland at war with ourselves. So where are our protests? Where are our people saying "Give peace a chance," or "Where is the love?"

Instead of focusing on the good and safety of our country, we focus on ourselves. I think we need to take a stand. Everyone's so quick on Facebook or Twitter to share photos of girls in short shorts, or misguiding facts about calling 211 instead of 911, or of some teenage boy holding a piece of paper reading, 'Like if you love God" - Why won't you share a photo of peace? Maybe a post about your favorite peace maker and their efforts to change the world? Maybe a status about you going out there and spreading peace.  We can never attain peace by sitting at home wishing someone would start this trend. We have to start it ourselves.

The Flower Power movement was an idea that was planted and watered until it grew.

Peace is not an ideology that has since passed. Today we need it more than ever.

How will you spread peace, love, and unity... if you will at all?

"The cry of 'Flower Power' echoes through the land. We shall not wilt. 

Let a thousand flowers bloom."

— Abbie Hoffman, Workshop in Nonviolence, May 1967

Infinite

My 2013 GOALS

It blows my mind that yet another year has gone and passed. Can anyone please tell me why the year went by so fast? I can't believe it's time for a new resolution post.

These aren't really resolutions as much as they are goals I wish to at least begin in the new year. I figure it's deeper and gives more motivation to have set goals for yourself due in December 2013, than saying "I really wanna lose 3lbs."

So, without further adieu, here is my list of goals for 2013:

1. Finish my client's website.

2. Work on a chapter of my book a week.

3. Start an online shopping website for clothes and dresses my friends and I don't want.

4. Continue posting for my food blog.

5. Grow hair out.

6. Lose 30lbs by mid year, 30 more by winter.

7. Create a fashion blog

8. Run at least a mile every day.

9. Take a painting class.

10. Drink more water.

11. Give a talk on bullying at a local high school.

12. Save up to $5,000.

13. Visit NYC.

14. Move to NYC.

15. Thank my boss every day for giving me the opportunity to work with her.

16. Start a book club.

17. Make a quilt.

18. Record videos for YouTube.

19. Take a few voice lessons.

20. Take a summer dance class.

21. Start to learn to play piano.
22. Get back in a show