Good Friends Are Hard to Find

I am not one to post about failed relationships or friendships. My personal business should not be everyone else's. However, it has appeared to me that the older we get, the more close connections seem to falter and even the tightest of ties are cut. Why does this happen? Why do two people who used to spend every waking moment together, just completely fall apart?

I'd say part of it is friendvy - when you become so envious of your friends life that you literally began to despise them and question their value. Yet, you shouldn't let your covetousness of their life ruin your relationship. Instead, congratulate them and continue to support them throughout their successes. Yours are coming someday.

Sometimes friendships fall apart because of distance. When one friend moves across the state or country, it's hard to see them as often as you'd like. Especially when finances become an issue. To me, this is one of the worst ways a friendship can end. Someone dropping you simply because they moved away is basically a representation of what your friendship was to them - convenient.

Though these are the most comment of reasons relationships fail, in my personal experience, I blame a lot of broken friendship on clearer vision. That is, I opened my eyes and realized what type of people these 'friends' are - and most importantly, what type of person I am.

In the past year, I lost two friends via clarity. These were friends I pictured of having around in my life forever. These were friends I wanted in my wedding, to have my children refer to as "Auntie" or "Uncle", to go on fabulous vacations to Europe with, and to grow old laughing with. In the last 3 months alone, I realized I will never be able to live out those dreams with these people... and here's why - these are selfish, genuinely unhappy people.

I had a friend who I would have done - and did - anything for. I traveled to this person at their beckon call any time they needed me. I took the time to listen to their problems whenever they had any, even those times I was battling my own, in hopes that they would be there for me should I need them. However, this was a one sided relationship. I learned this quickly after shelling out well over $1,000 for a visit and a concert that never happened. A concert that I will never get to see now. A trip that I will never get to take now. Apparently my friendship wasn't comparable in value to another relationship they were invested in at that time, and someone else's needs were chosen over mine.

Another friendship fell apart when a friend moved across the country for an internship. Though the internship left something to be desired, this friend felt it was their star calling, and thus everyone should have been on the same level as them. I was proud of them, but felt my wants and needs didn't match up to theirs. Eventually, they started making me feel bad about myself; that I didn't drop everything to move, or that I was in the wrong, working a 9-5 and going out with friends on the weekends.

It took some time for me to realize that real friends aren't like that. Real friends don't leave their friends stranded across the country because of some guy. Real friends don't make you feel bad because you're living your life differently than they are living theirs. Real friends do the opposite.

In fact, because I didn't get to go to said concert, my other friends planned a night of movies, music, and wine for me. We laughed, cried, and drank until the sun came up. They have never once made me feel bad for the way I live my life, or for raging during the weekend. Nine times out of 10 they are raging with me. Those are the people you keep around.


Stop and smell the roses. Take the time to evaluate your relationships. If someone is bringing you down, regardless of how they once made you feel... drop the weight. After all, a friendship that can end, never truly began.

The keys to happiness...

This is based off of a Facebook status I posted at around 11:30PM last night, and had received over 40 likes by the time I woke up 8 hours later.

Here is the status:

I loved my ex, I really did. But we were far from meant for each other.  We had more horrible times than good times.  Maybe someday he and I can laugh at our past, but our relationship was made up in friendship sacrifices and no trust.  I felt like I was only doing things for him than for me.  It was so much effort, more effort than a 21 year old college senior needed in her life. It has taken since September to finally realize that my life is absolutely amazing - and that I am actually happy being young, wild, and free. The Claddagh on my right hand is facing upward, meaning I am single (possibly looking for the one.. we'll see) and proud to show it off.

So what are my keys to happiness? My list is simple, as it takes the first three to truly feel fulfilled, blessed, and genuinely happy.

Adele Stewart's Keys to Happiness:

1. Spend time with your family.  I constantly talk to my mom about everything ever.  We reminisce on old times, talk about failed relationships, gossip about work and celebrities over iced coffees, home cooked meals, or lunch at a local cafe.  She is my backbone. Then there's my aunt, cousins and goddaughter. I have gotten to know my family so much more this year.  I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life than when sitting around a table with my two great aunts, my cousins and our moms.  Family is the most important thing, don't ever forget how much they mean to you.
2. Make new friends (but keep the old). When I first started working at the yacht club, all of my friends were friends with the girl who got me the job.  They weren't really "my own" friends.  But this year has changed a lot of that. I have become better friends with more people, people I feel I will be friends with for a long time, and people I can actually call MY friends.  I also get along GREAT with my new roommate.  We have a lot in common and a bunch of the same interests (wine, the Disney Channel, coffee, cooking, crafts, music...). We used to hate each other in grade school and high school (it was on and off) until maturity hit and we reconciled our differences.
3. Tell yourself you are beautiful everyday.  I mean, don't necessarily sit in front of the mirror saying "oh my god, why are you the most goddamn beautiful person in the whole world?" or (more realistically) "I'm prettier than such and such person." I mean, you might be, but telling yourself other people are ugly will not make you feel better in the long run - unless you are a conceited and pretentious bitch, then carry on with your cocky self. But it's not hard to look in the mirror, when your hair is a mess and you are in your most natural state, and say "you are beautiful"... and after saying it enough, you not only believe it, but you've realized it enough to know that you actually are. When your heart gets broken, it's hard to feel positive about yourself... but if you keep pushing yourself, eventually you get your groove back.
4. Listen to good music (and yes, you can listen to some sappy heart break music, but not for very long! REMEMBER: HAPPY). I like to listen to John Mayer or Jason Mraz, Beyonce (always), today's hits, Glee (I cry joyful tears for Glee) and anything with a good beat and positive message.
5. Do something you love to do.  I used to LOVE theater, but didn't do any in college.  I made my acting/directing comeback in Godspell this summer, and I can honestly say I am so happy with the outcome.  I cried when the show was over I was so, so proud of the cast, the production, and myself.
6. Create something.  Whether you build something, or make an interesting craft - do something you can always look at and be proud of.  Nothing's more rewarding than hearing a compliment about it and saying, "Oh, I made that!"
7. Adopt a pet.  I was never really a cat person, but I adopted a cat, Khloe.  She has been my cuddle buddy on more than one occasion and she is such a funny creature.  I have never enjoyed anyone's presence more.  She's my baby, I enjoy raising her.
8. Watch a movie that makes you happy.  One night, I found myself searching through Movies On Demand when I discovered the Glee 3D Movie.  I actually was so happy that I cried and had goosebumps sent up my arms.  It's so weird that one show about a group of choir kids can make me so happy, but it does.
9. Have a girls night. Nothing beats wine, brownies, and bonding. Seriously.
10. Write. After exploring my blog, don't you think that is self explanatory?
11. Nix the fast food and start cooking the food you love.
12. Go on dinner dates. Filter out the guys you don't like and create a TYPE for yourself.
13. Go running. Clears your mind and it looks good on your legs.
14. Dance on stage at the bar to Whitney Houston with your closest girls.
15. Live by "We Are Young" (fun.)
16. Find your Glee.  You've seen how I rant and rave about how happy it makes me.  Find something that you look forward to.  Something you can relate to, cry to, laugh to...as cheesy as it sounds, I promise nothing can cheer you up faster than something you love.

I did all of these things and then some.. not only am I discovering myself, but I am discovering how blessed I am.  If you are going through a rough time, remember that life is beautiful, you are beautiful.  You can smile again. Just remember what is important to you and figure out what makes you happy.

If you feel like someone is holding you back from your dreams and your happiness, they probably are. Don't let anyone stand in your way.  You'll be amazed at what the world has to offer you - you just have to let yourself see it.